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I can't recommend this book enough. In a world filled with so much sexual sin, this is a great book for helping your son avoid sexual sins. It has 2 sections, one for the parent and one for study to do together.
(which was definitely NOT the case for this guy) So, the question for me as a Dad is: Do I want my son to think he can be just like the author, an abuser of women for his own selfish gratification, and come out "OK" on the other side. Why. I'm glad, after numerous sexual encounters with many women, he finally came to himself and decided to be "pure" until marriage, and do the "Lord's" work/write books, etc. Yes, I know "mistakes" is more politically correct) when they were younger.
I read this book, seeing I have a younger teenage son. Writing books, etc. Sorry, he lost the opportunity to carry that title (Pure)when he got "tired of being a virgin", and gave up his purity, which can never be gotten back, no matter how chaste he is after. The first half of the book is good basic information for young minds to grasp.
Almost bragging/proud to tell about them. I have to say a resounding, No. However, I will NOT be reading the second half with my son. It's my feeling the authors are much too graphic with their whoremongering (Yes, that is it's true title.
Your relationship will never be the same and never be better. If you are a dad with a boy between 10 and 13, you need this book.
Since the book asks the dad, at the end of each chapter, to talk about their experiences you want to be prepared to address issues you may not have experienced. Generally the book is well done, but I found a variety of the descriptions to simply cover situations and scenarios which I largely did not experience as a boy. I don't fault the author so much for this (everyone has a different experience, and it is ultimately absurd for anyone to think that everyone is cookie cutter), but this is an important set of topics to discuss with your son - read the whole book and tailor appropriately, IMHO. I read the first half of the book (which is to be read by the dad alone), then proceeded to read the latter half with my son. I would highly recommend that the dad read the whole book first, not just the first half.
besides, maybe this is the way kids relate to their parents nowadays."Well, Dad, that would be the worst decision you can make. grow up during this period. After all, he's a good kid, but he doesn't know the ropes. I see three extremely valuable suggestions here. These keep you going and provides a way to discuss difficult topics, and also helps answer the question "how much should I tell him and when." Certainly, you have to apply your own wisdom and knowledge of your son, but having an experienced father like Fred Stoeker making suggestions is extremely valuable, especially for those of us who never had a good role model in doing such things.I should mention something that this book is NOT.
Many problems that will plague your dear son for a lifetime (including confused sexual identity, lust, pornography addiction, etc). Your son probably knows little about your background. Not only are too many of us are caught up in difficult work schedules, but it gets more difficult. I think the age range of 11-13 is probably the time to start it.
This includes the dirty laundry too - such as the first time you viewed pornography. All too easy to just figure, "well I turned out ok. This is a great book for many reasons. Who knows how many traps are waiting for him out there - the world, the flesh, and the devil are all working against him.The second reason the book is excellent is that it gives you a relatively painless way to go about doing what you know you should do. And I can't help but thinking of ol' Dad whenever some temptation comes up will help him to resist the temptation - the secret thrill is gone.The second valuable suggestion the book makes is to create a safe place where he can "approach the throne of grace." I set up something like this in our spare bedroom years ago and it has yielded some benefits already and I expect more.
It's too easy to make an effort and, when you are rebuffed, just quit and hope for the best. Knowing that you've faced struggles helps him to relate to you better and will probably help him to be more open sharing his own concerns and problems. That is, not the mechanism of sex, but the policy of how to manage it before it starts managing him. First off, it makes the point very clearly that a father's relationship with his sons is vitally important during the "second half of the game," the years starting with pre-adolescence.
Where this book really comes in is helping your young man manage the resources God has given him. Although it does have some information in the early chapters, it pretty much assumes that either your son already knows the basic mechanics of sex - hopefully from your teaching over the years rather than through his friends. Some who may question Arterburn's own morality may be put at ease knowing that it's just Arterburn's name attached - the book is really Fred's. Finally, the book provides suggestions of method to prompts discussion, such as reading this book and others together. If you are interested, there are other good books on this subject from a Christian point of view.
Don't pass up an extremely valuable book because somebody's name appears on the cover.So Dad, get this book, and get on with doing what you know you should do. Fred Stoeker wrote it and virtually all the experiences and suggestions in the book appear to be Fred's. Don't let the "Sexual Code of Silence" continue. And many of us know that sex will manage him unless he has the tools to take charge of it.I should also note that Steve Arterburn did not write the book, it just shows up under his name.
No longer is he that little boy who worships the ground you walk on. It is not a "birds and the bees" kind of book. First off, relate stories to him. This is the time of his life when he needs you more than ever.
Many times I have struggled with starting conversations on these topics with my son, but was not quite sure where to go.
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